Award Winning Hypnotherapy Brighton & Online

Emotional immaturity is a subject that fascinates me.  The more I learn about it, the more I see it in others, but hands up, I've also seen it in myself.   The good news is, when you see it, you can learn from it. 

So strap in, and lets learn.  [Heads up, this topic was inspired by the Living Well Podcast and a conversation between Forest Hanson and Dr Lindsay Gibson]

One of the issues with having emotionally immature parents as an adult, is the guilt that can often be transferred to you.  It's their guilty, projected on to you and if you're not aware it's happening, you may assume it's YOUR guilt. 

In this blog we're going to explore ways of dealing with that guilt but first let's take a look at what emotional immaturity looks like in people so that you can understand it.  When you understand it, you're less likely to let the guilt penetrate your energy system because you'll know that IT'S NOT YOU.  

How Might Emotional...

I completed my 5k milestone on 20th February 2024... Ta Dah! 

And wow what an incredible experience running that final run.  I had Mutemath to keep me company in my ears and when I turned on to the beach decking at around 6pm to fun the final stretch, it was quiet, pitch black, just me and the beach.  I had the biggest smile on my face and I felt so high, in fact I kept on running after the bell.  

All I can say is, the feeling of achievement was so worth it. 

So welcome to part 2 of this blog, if you haven't read part one, you can read it here.

Here's where we get into the real nitty gritty of the mindset hacks I deployed to get me through some of the toughest moments.   

Let's dive in. 

When the going got tough, I pretended I was running with others
I’m a lone wolf.  Always have been.  I prefer living to the beat of my own drum.  But when the going gets tough, you need others.  I’d read somewhere...

If you’re thinking of embarking on a running program, or any similar fitness program, here’s a run down (pun intended) of my story and the mindset shifts that helped me. 

I knew WHY I wanted to do it

The discomfort of being breathless on flights was a big motivator for me.  This wasn’t just in my head, or caused by anxiety, this was physical breathlessness caused by altitude and I knew this would be a great problem to solve (especially as I knew I wanted to travel more).  But I was confused.  I knew this was linked to poor cardio ability (I HATED cardio and avoided it like the plague) but, the question was, did I need to do HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) or more endurance type stuff?  An athlete friend suggested endurance and she recommended the Couch to 5k app.   So I signed up.  

I had to BELIEVE my body could do it

I exist in a heavier body and running made me feel like a big ole heavy lump.  I...

We painted our hallway blue, beautiful Marrakech blue, now I can't stop seeing it everywhere I go. 

My husband is the same.  Whenever we watch a film, go into a shop or restaurant, we see it.

Somewhere.

On the wall, in a picture, someone's wearing it. 

I'm sure it's always been there, we've just never NOTICED it before. 

But now, because this blue has MEANING to us, we are seeing it everywhere!  

Ta Dah

Ok, I'm making a meal out of this for effect, because I knew this would happen after we'd painted our walls. 

And I knew this would happen because I'm fascinated with the Reticular Activating System.  

Here's a quick 101 on the RAS. 

The RAS is a network of neurons in the brain which acts as a filter for sensory information determining what stimuli are important and deserving of our attention.  We need this filtration system in our brain because in reality, there's just too much information in the world for us...

Deep change takes a recognition of where we have split off from the authentic self. 

Having helped many clients deal with a range of things they want to change (from avoidant attachment styles to skin picking) what we’re really finding at the heart of the matter is a split from self. 

Therefore to heal is to reconcile with self and live in a more empowered way making every decision with authencity at the core, dissolving cognitive dissonance, the presence of which drives thoes pesky symptoms. 

People talk about authenticity a lot though but what does it really mean?

When we operate authentically we make choices from a place of our true identity, NOT an identity that  belongs to our childhood or that has been intervoven with beliefs rendered from traumatic events. 

When children have been parented in a way that over-rides their natural intuition using co-cercive control or manipulation, dis-empowering the child’s inner widsom,...

Have you heard of the expression, "You don't stop playing because you age, you age because you stop playing."  ?

Well I think something similar is going on with our libido during menopause. 

Yes the initial hormone decline may cause our libido to drop but it's OUR job to re-ignite it otherwise we end up in the trap that goes:  'you don't stop having sex because of menopause, you menopause because you stop having sex.'

Maybe that's not actual science, but there's something in the idea which feels important and certainly goes along with the theory of stereotype embodiment. 

The health benefits of sex and orgasms are phenomenal. 

The increased levels of nitric oxide released during orgasm bring improvements in: 

cardiovascular health including blood pressure.
exercise performance.
immune function.
memory and overall brain function.
wound healing.
anti inflammatory.
emotional regulation.

all of which support a healthier menopause and so I...

I can't believe I'm about to say this...

I NEVER want you to be happy because what I want for you is so much bigger than happiness. 

Ok, let’s dig. 

Why do we only strive for this one emotion when there are so many more beautiful ones to experience? 

I have a theory.

Because we’ve been hypnotised to believe that happiness is the thing we SHOULD want and there are certain things that will get us there.

The swimming pool, the house, the pay rise, the Gucci, the 5 star trips, the accolades, the milestones, the glitterati friendships.

But why is it that when we get there, it only feels good for a moment and then the emptiness settles in again?

It’s because happiness, like all emotion, is fleeting. 

After working with people deeply for 23 years, I am 99.9% certain that happiness is not what most people want.  They want something more enduring, something more foundational.  

When my clients tell me that all they want is to...

Good ole menopause, the rollercoaster ride of hormonal changes that can make even the most composed woman feel like she's in a never-ending heatwave.

One of the most notorious symptoms that women experience during this phase are hot flushes. But fear not because I am here to guide you through this hellish inferno.

So, grab a fan, sit back, and let's cool down together. 

Understanding the Heatwave: Hot flushes (or hot flashes depending on what side of the pond you reside), are sudden feelings of intense heat (that usually starts in the head) and can spread throughout your body, leaving you sweaty, red-faced, and feeling like you're trapped in a sauna. These episodes can strike at any time, especially when we feel anxious, causing embarrassment, discomfort, and a desperate need to either leave the building or for a personal portable air conditioner.  

Ok so let's start with some quick wins...

1. Embrace the Power of Layers: When it comes to dressing for hot...

There are a couple of things that fascinate me about my job as a therapist.  One is the type of issues that people need fixing and the other is what scenes come up during regression related to that. 

I’ll be honest with you, sometimes I get blindsided and I have to think on my feet.  I can have an expectation that what I’m going to find is neglect but actually what I find is the opposite.

TOO MUCH ATTENTION.  

If, when I ask my client’s inner child “are you happy?” and the response is “yes, I’m so happy, I couldn’t want for anything more, my childhood is perfect, I like it here, I want to stay”…

I see a red flag .   

Not that your childhood shouldn’t be safe and affirming, but if you’re coming to me with an issue and you’re telling me your childhood was perfect, I know we need to dig deeper.

Now what I start to look for is something called enmeshment or covert...

Repeat after me:  Menopause does NOT have to be miserable!! 

Some aspects of the media would have us believe that we need to hunker down, get supplies in and be ready for the s**t storm that is coming…because it’s ominous and it’s going to be, well frankly, terrible. 

Without wanting to diminish the hurricane that many women find themselves in (I was one of them), it’s often about how we frame it. 

The more we can frame is a powerful metamorphosis instead of a nightmare hormone deficiency, the more likely we are to experience it as such. 

This is down to the incredible power of stereotype embodiment.

Stereotype embodiment is the concept that societal stereotypes and cultural beliefs about a particular group of people can influence the health and mindset of individuals belonging to that group. So in the context of menopause, stereotype embodiment suggests that the cultural expectations and stereotypes surrounding menopause can affect...